any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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