i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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