I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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