I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
