I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
