yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
