just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
