You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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