i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
