I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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