the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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