Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
