I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i have two assholes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
