The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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