there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think my fart just growled at me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
