How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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