I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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