I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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