I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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