had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
