I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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