laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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