she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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