So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
