My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
