She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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