remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
