Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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