i think my tv is drunk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
