I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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