Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
