i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
