Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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