i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
