listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
