You're completely useless in the revolution.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
