it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
