I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
