I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
