I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
