my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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