you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
