I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
