Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Two words: blizzard sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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