im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
