he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
