Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
