They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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