I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
