ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
