Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
