you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Found the puke drawer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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