There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
actually, I'm a sock model
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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