Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
